Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
