I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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