he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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