During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Floor bacon is actually really good
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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