as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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