Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
