apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
