I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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