Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
