Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
