fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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