i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
