I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
