my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
