just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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