i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
