Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
