you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
