and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
