we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
