Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
