You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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