I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
