This is not my ceiling
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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