Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
