Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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