my phone needs a breathalizer
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
