I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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