In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
