I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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