That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Boobs are out for the taking
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
