Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
