how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
