I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
