I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I lost the right to judge tonight
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
