i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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