he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
