I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
