New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize