they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
