the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
