if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
