I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
