I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
