I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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