Got a toothbrush?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
