never play flip cup with pint glasses
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
