That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
