Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
