His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How naked do you want me to be?
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