I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
