my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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