What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
PANTIES FOUND
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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