Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
