he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
