You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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