im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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