6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
