Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize