I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i think my cat just said my name.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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