Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
