she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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