I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I would ride that face into the sunset
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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