You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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