I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
