so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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