yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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