Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
