doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
