the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
