if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
